Its summertime, which means that everyone is spending all the time with the sunshine, warm breezes and the general good mood with other people at parties and fun shindigs. Yes, Im aware using the word shindig makes me sound like Im in a Joss Whedon TV show or in the early Sixties.
The point is that when the weathers nice and the musics playing and the booze is flowing, its pretty darn easy to get drunk very quickly. Its also much easier to find yourself rubbing shoulders with some people whose character is a bit crappy when theyre partaking in alcohol.
Ive rounded up a list of seven of the worst types of offenders and how to either deal with being caught in close proximity with one of them, or what you should do if your friend becomes one of them over the course of the party. After all, we all have to look out for each other, right?
1. Happy Drunk
The best kind of drunk is the Happy Drunk: theyre happy, theyre joyous, theyre the life of the party. The only reason to hate getting stuck with them and to avoid these drunks like the plague is if youre sober, or at least not as inebriated as them, they will come across as annoying as hell. Oh, you think life is so fantastic and dancing to the Black Eyed Peas is awesome? Well that song ended an hour ago and since then youve been grinding against a doorframe with a look of bliss that became frightening about ten minutes in.
Tip for dealing with them? Pretend to be as happy as them and then go make your own party by getting away and finding your friends.
2. Sad Drunk
Alcohol can do funny things to people and one of the most common is to make them sadbringing about Type 2, the Sad Drunkwhich is never fun for either the inebriated or those around them. Weve all seen someone like that at a party: maybe theyve just been dumped, maybe theyve had a crappy day at work. Who knows, but add all this to alcohol and the chances are that youll be confronted with a crying, sobbing, sullen drunk person whose life is a nadir of joy and happiness at the moment in time and who are kind of a bummer to be around at a party.
Tip for dealing with them? Largely, Id say be nice to them. Keep them positive and find them some people to hang out with if theyre on their own and then move on. Keep an eye on them if you can.
3. Reckless Drunk
Oh God, the Reckless Drunk. The guy who has a few tequila shots and decides hes Superman, Criss Angel and Tony Hawk all in one. Chances are hell be sliding down the bannisters, doing ridiculously stupid amounts of booze in the kitchen, or deciding to something so dumb that it makes your heart drop into your stomach at the very thought of it.
Tip for dealing with them? Take his toys away. If hes planning to skate his way down the stairs, hide the skateboard for a few hours with the help of a couple of friends. It might cut into your evening a bit, but lets face itits nothing compared to having the party interrupted by a visit to the ER. The reckless drunk will sulk, but get over it super-quickly. No harm, no foul, and all that.
4. Philosophical Drunk
You know this kind of drunk: three hours into the party, while most people are trying successfully or unsuccessfully to attract someone of their preferred gender, the Philosophical Drunk will be found discussing the big topics. Life, death, their favourite meal at the Olive Garden. Turns out that when they get a little bit of liquor in their system, they become Jean-Paul Sartre with a beanie hat.
Tip for dealing with them? There are two options to go with: A) act stupid or drunk in their vicinity (itll make them dismiss you as a potential debating partner), or B) if youre cornered by the Philosophical Drunk, throw him or her for a loop with a back-up question thatll give them enough pause for thought to make your escape and leave them still contemplating.
5. DJ Drunk
Theres not enough money in the world to make any of us dance to a song we truly hate, but give us a heavy dose of alcohol and a lowering of personal taste and social inhibition and youll have a bunch of people leering and doing Sexy and I Know It. The person in charge for inducing these wannabe dancing heroes is The DJ Drunk. The kind who commandeers the Spotify playlist all evening and lines up every kind of disparate genre. Theres nothing wrong with getting your groove onto some alt-indie tunes or some big and bold pop, but its so jarring when they switch from one to the other and sometimes dont even finish playing the song. A DJ Drunk who is possessive of the music can ruin an evening.
Tip for dealing with them? If you want to regain control of the music, encourage the DJ Drunk to dance. After all, theyve picked the music, theyre most likely to actually like the music thats being played. Get them on the dancefloor, let them shake their groove thing, and get someone else to take control of the music.
6. Sleazy Drunk
Say hello to the Sleazy Drunk. Otherwise known as the kind of guy or girl who becomes very sleazy and inappropriate when theyre drunk, with lascivious comments and half-attempted gropes; the creepy, horrible side to those people who normally wouldnt dare consider grinding up against a complete stranger no matter how inappropriate or unwanted their attentions are. The Sleazy Drunk can sometimes be an exaggeration of the generally kind of sleazy person you might run intothe only difference being that now they can blame alcohol for their attempts and indiscretions. Nice.
Tip for dealing with them? If youre stuck being chatted up by the Sleazy Drunk, the old my friend is calling me line is a great trick to get out of Dodge. Other ways to get out include asking them if they want a drink and going to the kitchen, or just busting out a big fat lie if youve never met this guy and probably will never do so again. I personally go with the Im dating someone line, but use your discretion as to what lie you choose to use.
7. Sober Drunk
Last but most certainly not least is the Sober Drunk. While the Sober Drunk might seem to be a bit of a contradiction in words, theyre certainly their own special kind of drunk; the kind that comes from hours of drinking and inebriation when they gain moments of clarity and insight. Why is this such a bad thing? In theory its not, but lets face the facts that sometimes its the unwanted or unspoken truths that come tumbling out when we lose our mouth-to-brain filter. The Sober Drunk will realise that they dont actually like any of their friends and will tell them so to devastating effect or reveal that their dalliance with a mysterious someone is actually a significant other of someone at the party and within earshot. Oops.
Tip for dealing with them? Get them the hell out of the party and run damage control. The minute someone starts talking about so-and-sos boyfriend, move them away from the main body of the party to somewhere quiet. It doesnt matter if its the garden, the bathroom or an unoccupied bedroom, the last thing you need is the Sober Drunk blabbing in front of someone theyll regret. If you cant get them out in time, lie your ass off and leave the party with them. Thats what good friends do.
Which type of drunk do you run into most? Any type of drunk you hate or love most? Lets hope not to meet any of the most awful type drunk people any more! (Though it could actually be quite funny!)
How do beer and coffee affect your brain and which should you drink in a given situation? How Beer and Coffee Affect Your Brain
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