To put it another way, if you are trying to quit or cut back on drinking and move you life forward, does it really make a lot of sense to surround yourself with those who want you to focus on your past alcoholism?
I am not an advocate for any type of fellowship with other alcoholics, such as what AA does and the reason is because I strongly believe that this encourages people to continually focus on the mistakes in the past, and wallow in their misery. In fact, it actually perpetuates the problem of alcoholism as people tend to develop paralysis by analysis.
That is, they spend so much time on talking about and analyzing their drinking problem, and how much damage it has done to them, that they never get around to actually DOING something about their drinking problem. Simply put, they never learn how to stop drinking alcohol because theyre too focused on reliving the times when they DID drink, and wallowing in self-pity. Concentrating on their past alcoholism is making present-day sobriety difficult.
For example, it is a known fact that many of those who take part in AA-type of 12 step programs make a habit of drinking alcohol immediately before and/or after their fellowship meeting is over. Furthermore, they continue to analyze their drinking problem, tell stories of how their alcoholism has ruined them, and their need to change their lives, while simultaneously consuming alcohol and getting drunk.
They rationalize this behavior because others in the group are also drinking, and that camaraderie somehow makes them feel better (or less guilty) since theyre not the only ones giving in to temptation. Groups like this seldom help the individual overcome an alcohol addiction because all the members are constantly being dragged down to the level of the group as a whole, via group think and the psychology of misery-loves-company. In this type of scenario, it is VERY difficult for one person to rise above the group and focus their time and energy on moving forward with their life. There is, however, a solution to this problem.
Get involved with groups that focus on the POSITIVE TRAITS that youd like to have in your life, rather than with people who want you to continually re-live your past failings. SURROUND YOURSELF with those whom you would like to emulate, and those whom you admire. For instance, perhaps you always wanted to learn the guitar, or study acting, or get a black belt in karate. Try joining a local club dedicated to what you wish to learn, and youll find that when you focus on the positive things that you want to come INTO your life, the previous bad habits will simultaneously fade OUT of your life.
Not sure what youd like to do? Just think about it for a little while. There will be SOME thing that you always wanted to DO or BECOME or TRY that will make you a better person. Maybe its learning a new language, or volunteering, or going back to school or even moving to a different part of the country. It is THOSE positive things that you should focus your energy upon. Whatever it might be, there will be a dozen ways to get involved with people who have similar interests as yours. The more you get involved with groups that share your positive interests and goals, the more likely you are to adopt those positive traits into your own life.
Remember, that which you focus on in your life becomes stronger. If you attend AA meetings then you should realize that you are focusing on alcohol, alcoholics, and alcoholism! This is the exact OPPOSITE of what you should do. Instead of joining a group like AA and focusing on your history of alcoholism, join a group that helps you develop your PRESENT attributes, strengths, interests and all the good things that you have inside of you that are just waiting to come out. Focus on how sobriety gives you back your future, and youll help bring about that reality.
The most important thing to remember is that alcoholism is NOT a terminal disease, or innate weakness, or something you are simply powerless before. Its a BAD HABIT that youve acquired over the years, and all bad habits can be broken. The BEST WAY to break a bad habit is to replace it with a good habit. A habit that you want in your life. Focus on the habits you want in your life, and surround yourself with the people who already have those habits, and youll quickly move yourself in the direction of sobriety. Which, ironically enough, also happens to be the direction of health and happiness!
The bottom line: You should surround yourself with the people and things that reflect the type of person you want to become, and not the person you once were! Before you know it, youll become that new person, and youll feel happier and healthier than youve felt in a long, long time.
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